Is anyone else feeling like the last quarter of 2023 has FLOWN by? Seriously, I blinked back in October, and now it's Christmas. Wild!
As is typical coming up on a new year, I've been doing a lot of reflecting this month, and I really can't believe how far I've come in the short amount of time I've been pursuing The Dream™️ (I've only been doing this since April!). I've auditioned for / submitted for / sat in the holding room for nearly one hundred projects, I've attended a number of callbacks, I've been cast in a handful of productions, and I have even more on the horizon. I spent many years of my life dreaming about this time of my life, and it's very surreal to now be in the throes of it. So, first and foremost, let me give you a gentle reminder -- acknowledge and appreciate your "now" as it's really humbling to recognize that Past You was aspiring towards this current version of your life.
With that in mind, I thought I could share the three things that I am most proud of myself for accomplishing this year. Maybe it's an indulgence on my end, but I'd love to be able to look back on this post a year from now and see how much more I've grown! I hope you keep reading and make a list for yourself, whatever you've been working on this year.
Becoming an Approachable Auditioner
It was a long process to get to this point, but for a while, I wondered if I would ever feel comfortable in a NY audition space. I finally feel like I'm making the switch from newbie to veteran (or maybe not veteran -- whatever the level the tiniest smidgen above newbie is). I walk into the holding room knowing the steps, knowing where to go and what to do, and knowing what to expect. I no longer get a jitter of nerves getting up on audition morning, anxious that I won't be prepared. I suppose I was putting out that nervous energy because for quite a while, I would effectively be left alone by other newbies that had questions. I'm guessing they could see the uncertainty in my eyes.
In my most recent audition days, however -- the days that I've gone into the holding rooms with more confidence and familiarity -- I've noticed a shift. On multiple, separate occasions, newbie auditioners have approached me, starting the conversation with, "You look nice, can I ask you something?" then asking about where to sign in, what to expect from the day, etc.. That was my first indicator that I'd begun feeling more at home in the NY audition scene, but the other indicator was the fact that I knew the answers to their questions. And I must say that acknowledging that was a really proud moment for me. I certainly don't have all the answers about this industry -- far from it! But I'm celebrating this little milestone because it's a far cry from where I started this year.
Making Friends with the City
Listen. I have said this for actual years, leading up to my move to the east coast: if my dreams did not exist in NYC, I wouldn't elect to live there. I'm simply not a city girl -- I would live in a tiny town in the wooded mountains, if I could -- but my desired career does not allow for anything less. So leaving the one home / state I've known my whole life and jumping into one of the most electric, most vibrant, most intimidating, and most frightening places in the world? I quickly had to learn to play nice with the unknown, a concept I've always struggled with.
I certainly cannot say just yet that I am fully acclimated to city life or that I am at home in NYC. However, I impress myself every time I have to navigate to a new location using a subway line I'm unfamiliar with. This happened for a callback I attended recently -- I had to make my way in Queens, a part of the city I'd never been in -- and when telling my sister about it and explaining the path I took to get there, she was blown away by how casually I talked about it. Being in the city long enough, you do kind of forget how foreign the subway system is or navigating the streets in general can be for people that don't live in it. And for the longest time, even after moving here, I was flat out SCARED of the subway. So for me to now be in this place of jumping on a new line to go into a new part of town with little pre-planning and minimal anxiety in anticipation is COLOSSAL. I'll continue to get more and more familiar with being in the city, but I'm pretty dang proud with how much I've grown in the last eight months.
Landing a "Big Boy" Callback -- And Surviving When it Didn't Go My Way
My one hope for this year audition-wise was to get a single callback for what I like to call one of the "big boys". I can very proudly say that that wish came true. And I am so proud of what I put out during that process that I could end the point here. But I'm even more proud of myself for my reaction after the fact.
I did not get cast in said "big boy" production, and if we're being totally transparent, it broke my heart because it was for a production that means a lot to me. It was really, really hard to swallow that rejection, but circumstance demanded that I bounce back. So I grieved (the grieving period was longer than my recommended 24 hours that I typically live by, I'll admit), then I put myself together and moved on to the next audition. I think that while I had some slip-ups (as those that know me most personally can attest), I handled myself with poise and grace recovering from that blow. I still haven't gleaned all the lessons that that experience has for me to learn, but I'd like to think I'm starting to see why it didn't go my way and other opportunities that will take its place. If nothing else, so far I've learned that some thanks-but-no-thanks's hurt more than others but that the pain won't kill you -- it has prepared me for other "big boy" callbacks that don't go my way, until the day that it finally does.
In Conclusion
Thanks for sticking around to read this far, and I really hope you do take time over the next week or two to think through 2023 and pat yourself on the back for the things you're proud of this year. For those that don't know, I'm back in AZ for Christmas and enjoying some time with my family (hence the lateness of this post -- apologies!). For that reason, this will be my last post of 2023, but I'll be back January 10th and back on the regular weekly schedule. Until then, I wish you all the happiest of holidays and a very happy New Year. I hope you get to spend it with those you love.
Thanks for reading, #DreamTeamHLJ, and see you in 2024!
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